What are Money Scripts?
As a counselor, I've had the opportunity to hear about clients fears and relationships with money, which is always fascinating to me. Coming from my own financial trauma background, I appreciate hearing about what other people have experienced. I've noticed that many people have deep-rooted beliefs about money that shape the way they handle it. These beliefs are often subconscious, meaning we don’t even realize we’re thinking this way. These beliefs, which Drs. Brad and Ted Klontz developed, are called "money scripts,” and are one way of thinking about how we relate to money.
Money scripts are the stories we tell ourselves about money. They shape how we make financial decisions and can even affect how we feel about ourselves. In my experience, understanding you own script can help change your financial life. In this blog post, I want to explain the four main money scripts. I’ll also share how we can reshape these beliefs for a healthier relationship with money.
If you want customized support to address money beliefs and trauma, reach out to us for a free consultation.
1. The Money Avoidance Script
This money avoidance script is when someone feels uncomfortable or even guilty about money. People who have this script might think money is bad or that wanting money makes you greedy. This belief could come from growing up in a family where money was always a source of tension or stress. Perhaps someone heard things like, “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” or “Rich people are selfish.” These kinds of phrases can stick with a person, shaping the way they think about money for years.
People with this script often avoid dealing with money altogether. They may not open their bills, avoid checking their bank accounts, or refuse to plan for the future. Often, they become stressed when their partner wants to talk about money, which understandably would lead to conflict. Over time, this can lead to financial, and relationship struggles.
As a counselor, I’ve seen that helping someone recognize these negative beliefs is a crucial first step. It’s important to realize that money itself is neutral—it’s neither good nor bad. How we use it is what matters. For someone with a money avoidance script, learning about budgeting and how to plan for the future can help them feel more comfortable with money and less guilty about having it. Counseling can be a safe place to begin to talk about their avoidance of money.
2. The Money Worship Script
The money worship script is the opposite of money avoidance. People with this script believe that money equals happiness. They might think that the more money they have, the better their life will be. This belief is often influenced by society's messages that wealth equals success. This may also be influenced by the obvious awareness that people with more money often have more choices and options in life. People with this script may chase after money, thinking it will bring them joy, security, and validation.
However, one downside of this script is that it may leave a person feeling empty, even when they’ve achieved their financial goals. They might get a new car or a big house but still feel unfulfilled. This is because money alone doesn’t provide happiness.
As a counselor, I encourage clients with this script to rethink what really makes them happy. Money can bring comfort, but it’s not the key to lasting joy. I help them focus on other important aspects of life, such as relationships, health, and personal goals. Shifting the focus from money to meaningful experiences can lead to a much more fulfilling life.
3. The Money Status Script
The money status script is about using money to show others your worth. People with this script often feel that how much money they have defines their value. They might want to appear wealthy, even if they’re struggling financially. This can lead to overspending on things like clothes, cars, and vacations, just to keep up with others.
One of the challenges with the money status script is that it can lead to debt. People may buy things they don’t need, just to impress others. This can create stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy when their financial reality doesn’t match their outward image.
In counseling, I help people with this script to realize that their value isn’t tied to their financial status. True self-worth comes from within, not from external possessions or approval from others. Shifting the focus away from appearances can help them feel more secure and less anxious about their finances.
4. The Money Vigilance Script
The money vigilance script involves being overly cautious or anxious about money. People with this script may have grown up in situations where money was scarce or unreliable. As a result, they might constantly worry about running out of money or not being able to pay their bills. This can lead to extreme budgeting, saving, and a fear of spending, even when it’s okay to do so.
While being cautious about money can be helpful, too much vigilance can lead to stress and prevent people from enjoying life. People with this script might avoid spending money on things they need or want, just to make sure they have enough for the future.
In my practice, I work with these clients to help them find a balance between saving and enjoying life. Financial security is important, but it’s also important to live in the present and not let worry or a scarcity mindset take over. We focus on creating a balanced approach to money that includes both saving for the future and enjoying the moment.
How to Change Your Money Script
If any of these money scripts sound familiar to you, don’t worry—there’s good news. Money scripts are not permanent. They are learned beliefs, and you can unlearn them with time and effort just like any other belief. Here’s how you can start changing your money script:
Reflect on your past: Think about how your family and childhood influenced your beliefs about money. Did your parents talk about money in a positive or negative way? How did you feel about money growing up?
Identify your script: Pay attention to your thoughts about money. Do you avoid it? Worship it? Use it to show off? Identifying which script fits you can help you understand why you think and act the way you do with money.
Challenge your beliefs: Once you know your script, ask yourself if those beliefs are helping you or holding you back. Are your beliefs about money based on facts or fear? Are they making your life easier or harder?
Create new beliefs: Replace negative money scripts with healthier ones. For example, instead of thinking "money is evil," try "money is a tool I can use to improve my life and the lives of others." Changing your script can help you make better financial decisions.
Seek support: If you need help changing your money script, working with a counselor or financial therapist can be very helpful. They can help you explore your beliefs and provide strategies to improve your financial mindset.
Conclusion
Money plays a big role in our lives, but it doesn’t have to control us. Understanding your money script is the first step to creating a healthier relationship with money. Whether you tend to avoid money, worship it, use it for status, or worry about it constantly, there are ways to change your mindset and build a healthier financial future.
If you’re unsure about your money script, or if you’re ready to start changing it, I encourage you to reach out for support and book a free consultation. Together, we can explore your beliefs about money and work toward creating a more balanced, peaceful relationship with it. Remember, your worth is not determined by your bank account, and with the right mindset, you can achieve financial stability and happiness.
If you want to take the Klontz Money Script Inventory, click here.
References:
Klontz, B., & Klontz, T. (2009). Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health. Broadway Books.
Dwayne, H. (2018). The Psychology of Money: Why Money is More Than Just a Financial Matter. Psychology Press.
Yarbrough, P. (2015). Money Scripts and Financial Therapy. Journal of Financial Therapy, 6(2), 13-29.
